I have a will. I’ve named guardians for my children. My estate planning attorney checked all the boxes, and the documents are in a fireproof safe.
But here’s what I asked myself one night, lying awake: if something happened to both of us tomorrow, would the people we’ve named actually know how to take care of our kids the way we’d want?
They’re good people. They love our children. But do they know that our son has a severe tree nut allergy? That our daughter needs to hear a specific story at bedtime or she won’t settle down? That we don’t do screens on school nights, that we go to church on Sundays, that we’ve already paid for three years of violin lessons and we’d really like her to finish? That there’s a therapist she sees monthly and the relationship has been really valuable?
The will names who. The Letter of Intent tells them how.
What a Letter of Intent to Guardians Is (And Isn’t)
A Letter of Intent to Guardians is not a legal document. It doesn’t supersede your will. It can’t override a court decision about who raises your children. But it’s arguably the most personal and important thing you can leave behind for the people who will step into your role as parent.
It’s a letter — often detailed, sometimes very long — that describes everything a guardian would need to know to care for your children the way you’d want them cared for. It’s your voice, in writing, available to the people who need it most at the hardest possible time.
What to Include
Over the years, I’ve helped many parents think through what belongs in this document. Here’s what matters most:
Medical information. Allergies, current medications, medical history, doctors’ contact information, insurance details. This is urgent-use information that the guardian needs immediately.
Daily routines. Bedtime routines, morning routines, meals, school drop-off. Children — especially young children — depend on routine for security. The more your guardian understands your children’s normal rhythm, the smoother the transition.
Educational information. School name, address, teachers’ names, any learning differences or accommodations, extracurricular activities, tutors, coaches.
Emotional and behavioral guidance. What comforts your child when they’re scared? What triggers them? What works when they’re upset, and what makes it worse? Who are their important relationships — grandparents, close family friends, teachers who matter to them?
Values and faith. What values are you raising your children with? Is religion important to your family? Are there cultural traditions you want preserved?
Financial information for the children. Are there 529 accounts? Insurance proceeds that will go to the children’s trust? Specific assets you want used for their education or care?
Your wishes for their future. Where would you want them to go to college if they could? What experiences do you hope they have? What do you want them to know about who you were and why you loved them?
Why This Letter Is Different From Everything Else in Your Estate Plan
Every other document in your estate plan is about assets: who gets the house, who manages the accounts, who has authority to make medical decisions. The Letter of Intent to Guardians is about your children. It’s about continuity of care, of love, of identity.
Writing it is hard. Not because it’s complicated — because it requires you to sit with the reality that you might not be there. I cried the first time I wrote mine. But I also felt a profound sense of peace when it was done. I’d done everything I could to protect my kids, not just financially, but in every way that matters.
What’s in the Template
The Letter of Intent to Guardians template gives you a comprehensive, guided framework to make sure you don’t miss anything important. It walks through every category — medical, educational, emotional, financial, values, final wishes — with prompts that help you think through details you might not have considered.
It’s designed to be filled out once and updated periodically as your children grow. It’s also designed to be genuinely readable — something your guardian can sit with in a difficult moment and feel like they’re hearing from you.
Name a guardian in your will. Then write them a letter telling them how to love your kids.
Get the Letter of Intent to Guardians Template — $19 →
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The information in this post is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal, tax, or financial advice. Please consult a qualified estate planning attorney for guidance specific to your situation.